Hello Friends! Alan here: It’s a beautiful foggy day in Charlotte, NC today. Let’s have a little ketchup (who here really supports use of “catsup”? Not me!). Last week we visited the hallowed halls of the North Carolina Cancer Hospital at UNC. Dr. Goldberg reviewed my CT Scan from December 7 (now a day that will live in praise and honor) and was equally as pleased as Dr. Kuo. Review of the images shows the liver mets shrinking and hollowing out and the colon tumor shrinking. Dr. Goldberg perceives this and the liver pain that I’ve been experiencing as evidence of tumors dying.
To quote the old aftershave commercial, “Thanks, I needed that!” Eight rounds of chemotherapy has not been a walk in the proverbial park. Last week (prior to the scan) I was as trepidated as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs as we walked into the chemo clinic. One of the “neat” side effects of chemo is that many patients experience a heightened sense of smell. Walking into the clinic I could smell the drugs no less than three sets of double doors away from the infusion room. Imagine smelling rotten tequila while experiencing the worst hangover you’ve ever had. This was my attitude going into treating two weeks ago for Round 8.
Now, however, we’ve reviewed the CT Scan and seen that both the liver and the colon tumors are shrinking. I’ve mentioned to you all that I use mental imagery in this healing process. As no surprise, the dozen or so Rocky movies make there way into my healing imagination often. With good news having come last week, I’m reminded of Rocky IV…the one were Rocky fights Drago, the Russian, after Drago has killed Rocky’s friend Apollo Creed in the ring.
Let me recap for you: Drago is bigger and stronger than Rocky. Drago is deadly. Rocky employs his proven method of beating the opponent’s fists to a pulp with his face. Rocky reached down to his heart and punches for all he’s worth. Finally, Rocky connects and the beast is cut. He’s bleeding…for the first time. He’s shaken and he’s frightened. The rest of the fight is not easy, but Rocky continues to use both his fists and his face as a weapon. Beaten to a pulp, Rocky continues to reach deep and find heart to power his punches. Drago is continually amazed/dismayed that Rocky gets up and continues to fight.
Here’s a Youtube summary. Warning: This is ten minutes long. Only watch it if you’ve got a little time. If you’re up against a beast, put yourself in Rocky’s shoes. Watch the heart exhibited. Watch for Drago to be wounded and frightened around 3:39. Watch for the beast to be afraid and dismayed. No doubt, this illness has raised my appreciation for some marginal cinema.
Like Rocky, I needed to see my opponent bleed. Now I’ve got new breath and resolve. We’re going in for Round 9 today at 0915 hrs. I’m NOT dreading it. I’m ready to use my face and my fists as a weapon against this beast. (Those of you that have been down the chemotherapy path can really relate to how accurate this analogy is.)
In any fight, over-confidence will gain you a quick trip to the canvas. I’m emboldened by these results and ready to fight with redoubled resolve. I am NOT foolish enough to think that this status is as a result of me or just medical science. I’m reading Lance Armstrong’s book. Let me Cliff Note it very succinctly for you. According to Lance, he survives cancer because he’s really awesome (just ask him) and so is medical science. He doesn’t place God in the equation of his survival. Me, besides just the size of my butt, I’m different than Lance. I count foremost God’s healing hand as the reason for any improvement in this battle. I’m also very cautious to avoid bravado or over-confidence that could pop up as a result of this good report. I’ve noticed something here: Satan can use good news as a very effective weapon against us and our attempts to have a relationship with God. My family and I have been ELATED as a result of the good news from last week. Now, I’m praying that this NOT be a point of pride or confidence and that I continue to place myself in God’s hand. Have you noticed this in your life? Have you seen a time when fortune was coming your way and you noticed that it might be a weapon pointed against you? Disclaimer: I’m NOT in any way unthankful for our new good news. Just thinking about it…
So, off to Round 9 now. Thanks to you all for thinking of us and praying for us. I know that it’s this that has made a difference. Talk to you soon! Love,
Alan
7 comments
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January 4, 2010 at 2:12 pm
Dawn
as a simple frame of reference AND a contrasting and hopefully cheerful perspective…. My friend has a little, itsy-bitsy and pretty cute mini-daschund named Drago…so… Dragos can be cute, and sat upon and squashed!
I love you!
December 28, 2009 at 8:00 pm
Earl Dutton
Hi Alan,
This is coming from your old scoutmaster. I just now managed to get plugged into your journal. No, I will not reveal any of your past misdeeds here. I just wanted you to know that you and your family are definitely in my thoughts and prayers. Your last journal post (Dec 15) looks very encouraging. I’m glad to know that you have placed your trust in God to lead you through this. Life can throw some overwhelming things at us and I firmly believe that He doesn’t let us get more than we are capable of handling with His guidance. Some are more capable than others. But, when things seem the most uncertain, He always this question for us: “Can you trust Me?” You seem to have already answered: “Yes, I can, Sir”. Maybe this word CANCER that we all fear and dread is, in fact, a reminder of the source of our strength… Yes, I CAN, SIR!
Alan, you’ve got your head on right. Keep it screwed in that way. I’m looking forward to seeing you on a hiking trail somewhere, someday. Tell your Mom and Dad hello for me.
December 18, 2009 at 8:13 am
Kay Hayes
Good Morning!
We loved the Christmas card with Aiden and Addy’s picture. They are so precious and we love ya’ll so much. So glad that God is already revealing the wonderful miracle that is taking place. It’s going to be a wonderful Christmas! I feel so thankful for God’s blessings, especially for you. I know that your PaPa Page and Grandma Page are so proud of the wonderful man that you are and of the courage and faith that you have. I can see them smiling and I know that they must be whispering in God’s ear “He’s our boy!” We love you! Have a great weekend! We’re still praying, keep on fighting! Give everyone our love.
Kay
December 17, 2009 at 1:08 am
sharon
I am going home to my dad…leaving Friday and arriving late friday early Saturday….he is going for an extreme chemo regimine…his doc has not been upfront about his chances and the effects of chemo….he does not want to hear it from us….my dad is 77 and much more advanced than you were…..so not good. I may need to call on you to talk to him….at first I tried to give him the facts….he is not able to absorb it and he yells at me…so now I take the high road and be positive even though I know his days are numbered. I may call upon you to answer his questions…he is proud and most likely won’t want to…but if he does let me know if you are around during the Christmas Season….He is very sick. I am so thankful that God has given you such great news this Holiday season. I love my daddy more than anything…but he is 77 and alone…..for you to receive amazing news makes my heart sooooo happy. We need to celebrate with a Weber/Dove get togehter that we have been trying to have for live forever…..you deserve a celebration….
hey…did Billy’s scooter show up there yet? Let me know….I want to send Billy over to bring it into your garage! It will be heavy.
Luv y’all. Not working tomorrow but will be around….I can take you there and be your personal shopper…..Misty may have some coupons that I can check on for you……I leave Friday sometime….I got bronchitis and not allowed to see my dad until Friday night/Saturday morning…..you know….the whole low immune systme thing. Feeling better but waiting an extra day.
Packing tomorrow…..be more than happy to be your personal shopper if you want….Bill home today….I can pick you and Aiden up and shop with you……rMy friends and family discount ran out……but I am sure Misty has some coupons.
And our store can order the necklace and have it delivered for free…I know she really wants that…..it might not be there on Christmas….but may be….but we can download a picture and put it in a card or a box with here favorite cholates and let her know it is on its way….that I know she definitely wants!
December 16, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Teresa S Caulder
Hey Alan,
You are on the right page… You keeping fighting “Rocky”!!! and Remember that you are not fighting these battles alone, It’s great to hear that you Give God the Glory.. Keep Fighting these battles Alan, But KNOW that God has already Won the WAR for you!!
In my thought and prayers!
Love to you and your family!!
Merry Christmas!!!
December 15, 2009 at 8:22 pm
Joy
Go get ’em Champ!! We’re rooting for you all the way and can’t wait to see that Championship belt around your waist (aka: Liver/Colon)!
merry CHRISTmas!!!
Joy
December 15, 2009 at 10:25 am
melanie roberts
Oh! Your posts just can’t come across fast enough for me! Just know I have the biggest smile on my face and I FEEL the power of your fight!!! GO ROCKY..I mean. Alan! : ) You are so right on – so precious in the “pride” before the fall. If ever I think that something good has happened because of me, God quickly reminds me of “myself” Like a few weeks ago when I had to speak in front of some people. After I finished I noticed I had deoderant marks across the bottom of my shirt. Humbling : ) The beauty of this is that you are being used as His vessel, Alan, in a powerful way. By pouring yourself out, the Holy Spirit is being poured into you, then the rest of us get to enjoy seeing Christ in you and Misty. I’m so thankful that you share this journey with me. I love you and am praying for you this morning. Your fight…and again I have a BIG SMILE right now, because look what the Lord says about that fight in Exodus 14, “The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Wow. Thank you, Lord for helping my friend Alan in his fight! Love, Mel